Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
