I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
