Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
