He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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