And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
