The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
