Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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