thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
