When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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