it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
