So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
