hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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