I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I am available for nakedness
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
