You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
