i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
