It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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