remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
