no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
