Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
