She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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