I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
