there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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