her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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