I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
