I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
