My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize