New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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