I CAN MOONWALK!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
