Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
