That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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