Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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