Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Small penises have feelings too.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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