I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
50% drunk capacity currently
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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