Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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