mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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