Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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