I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
