I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
