Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
