why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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