What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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