I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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