also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
