I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
