Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
