Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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