Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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