i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
