Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize