Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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