I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
