those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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