So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
