Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize