You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
