You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
