you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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