I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
