She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
