Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
