Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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