So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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