His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
