I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
