Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
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