Whod you bang
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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