So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
