he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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