im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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