Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
