how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
