When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
