I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
