Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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