so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
