we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
