We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
