I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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