I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
The air taste purple.
Randomize
