you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize