did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
